Tired of being the Step Parent with no say

Being a step parent has it’s good and not so good parts. You get bonus children without having to go through the weight gain and pain of pushing.  There is someone else for you to give love to.  Last but not least you get to enjoy having a blended family.  It doesn’t feel good when your life long partner doesn’t talk to you about things and feel as if they have to go behind your back or keep a secret when they have conversations with the other biological parent.  It’s extremely painful.  What do you do when the subject is ABSOLUTELY unapproachable?  Any and EVERY time it’s bought up, and argument is sure to happen and of course you’re always wrong.  Continuing to keep it inside isn’t healthy for you and you begin to have thoughts that you don’t want to entertain, but what else can you do when you feel like you are completely alone in this. Why shouldn’t this matter be addressed?

Decisions

Hey guys, haven’t been on since the passing of my father.  What’s going on in the blog world? So much has changed……career goals, faith, and knowing the purpose.  Does anyone know of a meditation/coffee & tea lounge? Curiosity is running wild.  All thoughts and recommendations are welcomed.

Drifting Away

When I look into your eyes I no longer see the exciting man you use to be.

Your eyes stare back with such a empty look, I can’t imagine how your soul is viewing this book.

I wish there was something I could do, to take this evil away you?

Each day I wake up just as selfish as I can be, hoping that you’ll get to spend another day with me.

Thinking of all the good memories at night as I lay, all the while your drifting away.

 

 

A Slow Death

As you continue to deteriorate I sit and watch, feeling helpless because there is nothing I can do to take your pain away.  You were once a funny, tall, and strong man, now you sit shaking from side to side in a poor pathetic state.  Each day I look in your eyes you slip away more and more and I am unable to recognize the person you’ve become.  Where are you father? Why do you have to suffer so bad?

I will continue to brush your hair, give you your medication, hold your hand, and watch old westerns with you.  I took you for granted when I had the chance to show you how much I love you and now it’s to late.  I pray that the journey your on isn’t as bad as it looks.  I love you Father.

Death of a Father

This man has lived for 57 years, during those 57 years he has been abusing his body with very harsh drugs and alcohol for 45 of those years.  For the past 3 years he has been very sick and fighting cancer.  One of the cancers he beat, but the rest of them are winning.  As the days goes by and he slowly slips away, it is the good memories that continue to play like an old broken record.  How does one deal with watching their father die?

People say you suppose too find strength from within, but what happens when all your strength is gone and your WEAK? What should you do? Where does the strength come from? What happens to you?

The bubble that you find yourself slipping in to is getting smaller and smaller.  There’s no room to breathe, you feel like someone is strangling you with a invisible string.  You can’t find the words to say because there are none.  Everything makes you cry because your sensitive and WEAK.  NOTHING makes it better and you still have to sit and continue to watch your father slip away.